Decided to let everyone have small peek into my life, so they can understand why I don’t have set release dates. I have twins (a boy and a girl) and they are 5. I can’t have any more kids, major complications in the hospital and I almost died. So to save my life they gave me a hysterectomy. (Means no uterus. Hence no more babies, but God gave me a boy and girl, so he knew what he was doing) Lets just say almost dying, leaving my husband a widow and not seeing my kids grow up was very life changing. God gave me another chance.
So because they are twins, I get ONE chance to watch my kids grow up. One chance at their first day of pre school, one chance at their first day of ballet or karate, one chance at everything because they experience it together. And because of that my life with my kids flys by fast…to fast for my liking.
It’s hard because I want to be in my office writing a great story, but then I look out my window and notice they’ve grown taller, look older. When did that happen? Did they grow up a little bit more and I missed it because I was staring at a computer screen?
My heart starts to beat fast my mouth goes dry, and an intense feeling of guilt and shame wash over me until I stand up and run to my kids leaving my computer on and the page blank.
My words of wisdom is balance, I am a mother and wife first and a writer last. My income is not important, we live on my husbands salary. So I will always choose my family over writing every day. And if writing ever throws my life out of balance. I will drop it like a hot coal. But it hasn’t, my husband has been careful to plan out time for me to write while he plays with the kids.
I not only write for me but I write for my twins so they will have books that we can enjoy together. They are going into pre K this year 2x a week. But during that time I work with my husband and I’m a kids choir director. Not exactly free writing time.
I probably won’t have a set writing schedule until the twins reach 1st grade and they are at school 6-7 hours a day.
I look forward to elementary school with excitement because it means more time to write but also complete and utter dread. They can’t grow up not yet! So each day I pray for it to go a little slower, I dig my hands into the earth and wish time would stand still, and I look in antique shops for a time turner.
Right now I’m averaging 2 books a year, but I squeeze those in and I’ve sacrificed much of my twins childhood for them. Is the extra money worth it? It’s nice, but is it worth my children’s childhood. Since I only get one chance.
I say this so you will understand why I don’t release specific dates on my books. I probably won’t until my kids are older. I write when the winds allow me.
So is your life out of balance?